8 Hilarious Leasing Office Calls That Only Industry Professionals Can Truly Appreciate

A Day In The Life...

Sometimes our favorite people are those with the most “colorful” personalities! Here, a property manager in Fort Worth shares some stories about one of her most memorable residents.

Quirky Ms. Bean

One of my favorite residents is a spry little lady named Dora Bean. The woman is barely five feet tall and thin as a rail. What she lacks in stature, she more than makes up with her rapid-fire wit.

Whenever Ms. Bean comes to our office she shares a joke or a humorous story. Most of her tales revolve around observations she makes of her neighbors. She’ll have my staff and me in stitches with her spot-on impressions of people and the ridiculous things they say and do.

Although Ms. Bean loves to poke fun at others, more than anything else, she enjoys being the target of her own jokes. Because of this, I never knew for sure when she was setting me up for a punch line or if she’s being serious.

This was definitely a set-up:

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Ms. Bean:  “I think we’re starting to have a problem around here with strays. I saw three big dogs on the way to work this morning.”

Me:  “How did you know the dogs were on their way to work? Were they carrying briefcases?” (I could hear Ms. Bean howling with laughter on the other end of the line)

Sidebar:  We really did have a problem with stray dogs and had to call animal control.

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Here are a few more classic Ms. Bean calls to the office:

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Ms. Bean:  “My garbage disposal hasn’t been working since I put the chicken in it!”

I’m thinking:  Did she put an entire chicken in the thing?

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Ms. Bean:  “There’s a gas leak in my sink. It smells really bad!”

I’m thinking:  Our property is all-electric, so it’s definitely not a gas leak she’s smelling. It’s probably all the chicken in her garbage disposable!

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Ms. Bean:  “I keep running into that light pole by my building with my car. Would you please ask your maintenance man to move it?”

I’m thinking:  How about just keeping your car off the sidewalk?

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Ms. Bean:  “My computer is on the blink again. Can you send over that one smart girl in your office to help me?”

I’m thinking:  We have more than one smart girl working in our office—I’d like to include myself in that number. We also do not provide technical support for our residents.

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Ms. Bean:  “I just made a big pot of spaghetti. You and your girls come on over to eat at six when you lock up. Oh, and bring that big box of wine you have in the office fridge with you!”

I’m thinking:  Thanks for the offer, but we have to decline. (And, for the record, there is no “big box of wine” in our office refrigerator!)

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Ms. Bean:  “Every night there’s a big spider that comes out of my bathtub drain. I think he lives down there. I’ve named him Herman. I think he’s kind of cute, and we’re getting to be good friends.”

I’m thinking:  Is she asking me to send in the exterminator or does she want to keep Herman as a pet?

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Ms. Bean:  “Can you please tell the people downstairs if they’re going to have sex, to please do it more quietly? They’re so loud I feel like we’re in a threesome together!”

I had no words for this one!

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From the book "I Have a Complex, but I'm Managing It!"  Stories from property managers compiled by Monica E. Simmons.

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